Sunday, November 22, 2009

Resistance

Well folks, I'm blogging. The purpose of this blog is not to serve as some source of inspiration and wisdom to its readers (if it acquires any). For as much as my desire in life is to empower others, I still have a lot of self-discovery to realize before I can pretend to offer advice publicly. If a reader takes something away from this blog in terms of life lessons, what to do, what not to do, spectacular. Nevertheless, the purpose of this blog is to force myself to write. I like writing but I'm terrified of it. For years I've hidden behind excuses: my mother took 9 years to write her doctoral dissertation and I want nothing to do with that; I am far too perfectionist and labor over every sentence before moving to the next (as I just did with this one); I have no Ritalin or Adderal or other concentration-enhancement drug that enables me to sit down and write for 9 hours straight like I did in college. But these are merely excuses, and I'll invoke another excuse to justify them: aside from email, I've only ever written for school and work. Thus, this blog is an experiment, a personal challenge to break old habits and redefine Mira. If I offend anyone in the process with my reflections and rants, I apologize-- my warped sense of humor often gets me into trouble.

I was recently given a copy of The War of Art by Steven Pressfield. While the book is applicable to multiple facets of my life, my blog is a perfect illustration of its subject. The book discusses Resistance, that force that keeps you from doing what your heart desires, be it write, start a business, go on a diet, you name it. As I'm writing this, my blog is without a title. Ever since I decided to start a blog, I've found every excuse not to. I've opened blogspot.com numerous times in the last week and each time I get stuck on the initial page that asks you to give your blog a title and create its URL. I brainstorm a number of different names but discard them as too cliché, too deep, too absurd, too boring, too unrelated. At that point something else distracts me and the blog gets delayed yet again. Its a simple thing, naming a blog, yet somehow its been the ultimate obstacle to actually writing. My resistance is such that I'm writing this post as an email to myself and will later copy/paste it into my currently nameless blog in order to force myself to get started. I know unlearning certain behaviors is a matter of practice and repetition, so while I won't guarantee any regularity in blog entries, I do promise to do my best to trick myself into sitting down to write weekly. First, however, I need to overcome that damn naming obstacle, which is clearly a mechanism to keep me from actually having to post something for y'all to read. That part scares the crap out of me. And who would want to read this? If anyone other than myself actually does, it will be a near miracle.

Until next time,
Mira

P.S. Thanks to my friend/former office mate/pseudo-psychologist Pancho for inspiring the blog's title (Translation: The only thing stopping you is you), which came to me after a ridiculously long struggle.

1 comment:

  1. Mira-Mira, I am officially one of your blog followers. :) I think you are an excellent writer and I find your writing to be quite humorous! Perhaps it is because I know you well but I find every Mira-ism in this blog hilarious and very much refreshing. I never thought of Thanksgiving that way but come to think of it, it is quite the strage holiday -at least today. Personally, I never grew up with this tradition so I'm still at the stage where I actually reflect and give thanks but I can see how over time it can become a ridiculous ritual.

    I hope things are going well with you and hopefully you are well on your way to Brazil or already there. I am technically doing a job search but I've only managed to apply to one job. The same anxiety you get with your writing, I get with job applications... it's definitely fear. In my case, fear of not being good enough, or finding that I hate X or Y job. Oh well. Maybe I should force myself to write a blog about job searching so I actually do it (in order to have something to write about haha)!

    Anyway, keep writing! I'm enjoying being your reader. Lots of love!

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